Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
