so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
