listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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