Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
whose parrot is this?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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