i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My hand turned me down
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
