forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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