I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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