I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
