So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
