No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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