and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
