forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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