You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
