so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
