I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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