Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
