I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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