my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
