I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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