I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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