either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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