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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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