I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I could make wine with my vomit
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
