The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
