Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This is my gift to your gina
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
