When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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