so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
