There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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