My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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