I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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