im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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