i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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