I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
