MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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