she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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