i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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