I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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