Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
