I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
