It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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