One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
