There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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