So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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