Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
