just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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