I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
it glows. i had to have it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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