i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
