3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
