Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
this hospital has no fireball
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
