You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
