She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
