i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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