just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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