NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
