You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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