I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
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