my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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