Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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