I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
