I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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