Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
