i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
is wine microwaveable?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
