I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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