I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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