my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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