I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
